Dweeb Olympics

For those of you who don't know, I am a high school Biology teacher.  This year I accepted a position where I would be teaching an advanced, magnet program Biology class.  I didn't know it at the time, but I was about to become a bona fide nerd herder.  My first hint was on the first week of school when one class erupted into a round of applause (followed by a standing ovation) after we finished Chapter 1 Notes... not kidding.  If you're a nerd like me, you'll appreciate this.

The year has nearly come to an end and the kids are starting to let loose a little.  My nerd shepherding came to a climax today when the annual frog dissection lab turned into the Dweeb Olympics.  All of what I am about to tell you is the absolute truth.

I'll start with my first period class.  Cutting through a frog bone can, at times, create frog gut projectiles.  The bones are under a little tension, when they are snipped they tend to fling any small particles touching them into the air.  I warn the kids to avoid dissecting with their mouths ajar.  Many students have inadvertently consumed bits of frog in the past (it happens more often then you might think).  Well, not more than 5 minutes after I gave them the projectile speech, I heard a girl in the back of the room screaming.  "It's in my mouth!  It's in my mouth!" she yelled (all of the boys in the class in unison: "that's what she said").  After I gave her the old 'I told you so', she proceeded to explain that she is a mouth breather because of her deviated septum, and would have otherwise suffocated.  

In fourth period, I had a girl show me what she had created after finishing the required steps.  She approached me with a huge grin. "I skinned it!" she said.  This was true.  The frog looked as if it had been caught naked after changing out of its camouflaged wet suit.  "That's pretty demented" I responded.  She scoffed at me jokingly and rolled her eyes.  As she walked away she said "At least it's not a person!"  I wholeheartedly agreed.

Finally, my selection for the All-Olympic Team: fifth period, group three.  Much to their delight, group three's frog was on the verge of emptying its bowels upon its demise.  The frog's large intestine was packed full of digested insect parts.  So much so that one of the students suggested that it might have died from a gluttonous binge.  Chuckling a bit, I walked around the room to check on the other groups.  When I returned to group three, I noticed something in the frog was missing.  "What happened to the intestines?" I asked.  For some reason, this comment instantly caused all three of them to explode into laughter.  As I took a closer look to figure out what was so hilarious, I discovered that they had fed the dead frog its own fecal matter by forcing it through its opened esophagus.  When asked WHY exactly they would force a deceased amphibian to re-eat its last meal, they responded "Boil this and it's considered a delicacy in Asia!"  Wow!  They were so proud.

As I mentioned before, these events are all 100% true.  I do admire the kids in my class, it took me until college to respect the fact that I am a huge nerd.  I like science so much that the profession I chose involves me telling others about how much I like science.  Everyone is a nerd, this is undeniable.  The sooner you embrace it, the more enjoyable your life will be.

Until next time...